Everyone has had a death in their family; anyone you’ve spoken to can talk about losing family or close friends. The answers might be different, but we’re all talking about the same thing, grief. For some, the toll of losing people we care about can be heavy, and others seem to be okay.
I’m going to give you some weird truths I found about during my grieving process that may make it easier for you when trying to cope with the loss of a loved one. However, because of the unpredictable nature of grieving, none of this advice (well, more helpful reminders.) could be of any use to you.
Alternate timeline
Sometimes with grief, you are so shocked or moved by the loss of someone that when it comes to an important event or milestone such as their birthday, you feel like it shouldn’t have happened, or you just, in general, can’t believe it. Sometimes you imagine what life would be like if they were still here. It feels like you live in an alternate timeline, and the one you are currently in shouldn’t exist. The alternate timeline feeling is normal and okay to feel even early on or twenty-odd years later. Just remember it will calm down, and the amount of time you think this will decrease.
Not every special occasion will make you feel like rubbish.
Now everybody says that you’ll feel down and gloomy on certain days like Christmas or a birthday. This is not always the case; sometimes, you’ll be fine on Christmas; during their birthday, you’re a wreck. Different occasions will affect you differently. It’s okay if you don’t feel bad at all. Grief is a weird void that likes to show itself in different ways.
Trying to sort out financial matters is always a nightmare.
This one may not apply to everyone reading this blog. However, I’m putting it on the list anyway. Suppose you live with the person that died or is married. In short, had any role in the loved ones’ life that involved paying bills and living in the house.
Then it will always be a nightmare to sort out. Setting up the electricity to be in your name, succeeding a tenancy, and then on top of that funeral planning. It all gets on top of you and having to ring multiple times because the companies keep sending letters through the door. Sorting the finances and housing becomes a grating carousel of open wounds and stress. It can get so bad that it keeps you up at night.
Try to get some help from other family members to divide how much you worry about; plus, that stress on top of grief is a dreadful combination mentally, let alone physically.
Keep cards and loved memories in a box and not lying about
When someone you care about dies, usually you want to keep some things as treasured memories like cards or jewelry. When someone I cared about died, I tried to keep the last birthday card I got safe and put it in a ‘safe place’ thinking it would be fine. However, when I checked that safe place, it wasn’t there, and I couldn’t find it. I was distraught. I had other things safe, yes, but I wanted that ONE thing safe too. Ultimately if you’re going to keep something from the dearly departed, then don’t do what you did and leave it anywhere. Put things like that in a box or folder.
Some people will be pushy some will be non-existent.
What I mean by the title of this one is that when someone dies, some people around you will push for you to be independent, to the extreme where you end up not having anyone to talk to regarding your feelings.
On the flip side, you have some people ready to change things in an instant (often when not prepared to) and will be suffocating. Either one can make things worse; there is a fine line. However, I don’t think anyone can find it just because grief can cloud many things.
People don’t always get it.
When someone dies, some people are supportive and try to help as best they can, and others are mean or brush you off. Some people will criticize the way you grieve. If the latter happens, then try your absolute best to not fly off the handle. Ignore it and continue doing what you’re doing. Only you can try to make sense of your emotions.
Although we think everybody can be understanding towards losing someone and its effects. Many people don’t. The lack of empathy and compassion can make grieving for someone the most isolating thing in the world.
Things do get better.
As time passes and you begin to live life, you start to think about the future a bit more and stop focusing on the presence of the loved one that has passed. You do keep living. That doesn’t mean you forget them and don’t miss them, but you grow around the grief because you move forward.
I hate the line move on or let go. Especially when it comes to a person who has died because you don’t forget and stop thinking about them, it just doesn’t remain the number one thing you think about all the time.
I hope Grief: Helpful Advice, Tips, and Reminders for Coping with loss have helped you in any way, shape, or form and that it made things a little easier.
Thank you for reading.
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