Relationships can be wonderful, sharing your life with someone, having intimacy. However, those romantic feelings can leave us blindsided by some obvious red flags. And trust me, they might be a pale pink now, but sooner or later, it will be brighter than a red traffic light. Save yourself the heartache and look out for these signs of a toxic significant other. It might be more important than you think!
1. They question everything to the maximum
Caring about your partner and wondering when they’ll be home is normal. You’re just looking out for their well being, and it is an added layer of comfort to anticipate when they get home, so they're safe. However, if your significant other is asking questions like ‘Who were you with?’ ‘What time did you speak to them?’ ‘Did you dance with this person? How long for? Did they touch your waist?’ and question every interaction with someone to the maximum, to the point it an interrogation is a sign of controlling and manipulative behaviour and whilst it's a small thing. It can lead to bigger problems!
2. Trying to isolate you from family and friends
Now having a tiff with the family is normal, or not talking for weeks on end is normal for any adult too! We’re busy living our lives. However, if your significant other is constantly causing problems between you and your family or is making you block contacts, you don’t want to. Or suddenly, a number you once had saved to the phone is gone. Then be aware that your partner is trying to isolate you from your friends and family. This is so the only person you have left to talk to is them, and it makes their manipulation harder to think out of and stop or leave. This one isn’t a small problem—it is toxic behaviour that needs stopping straight away.
3. Bribing you with gifts and presents
Now a gift or a surprise is always lovely. We all like one. It boosts the ego. However, if they suddenly use it in an argument to manipulate you to do what they want. Or to stay in the relationship or, at worse, they do something abusive and use it as a sign of goodwill. Then they use those gifts to play with your emotions. Which is a form of ‘emotional manipulation’, and it's used to make you think they are nice and care for you. When they probably don’t, it's like a physical fake apology.
4. Dehumanise you and purposely make you feel like trash
Now the odd comment here and there to help you look your best isn’t bad. We all want our partners to look their best; however, if it goes over the top and goes to the length of insulting you personally or comparing you, like comparing your weight to an animal. Then it's not a simple way to check you are looking your best for a night out. They are purposely trying to bring down your self-esteem and break you down so that you don’t have the willpower to leave in future. Clothing and looks are just one example. This toxic behaviour can also happen when you cook and clean.
5. they control your finances
keeping an eye on the finances and budgeting is fine. Everyone has to do it. However, if they take your money and only give you a certain amount of your money to spend when you go out. Or they keep tight control on the money and then ‘punish’ you afterwards. Then that's controlling the finances you are legally allowed to spend on whatever the hell you want. It's another way to get you under their control, and it isn’t one you should take lightly on a scale of toxic behaviour. It is high up there!
6. Watch the way they treat staff such as Servers
Now, this isn’t a hard and fast rule, but it is something to keep an eye out for and can certainly warn you of any future behaviour. Watch how your significant other treats those in retail or restaurant service work. Watch how they treat a server who gets an order wrong. Are they calm and treat the server like a decent human being? Or do they shout and scream and cause a scene? Does this always happen when someone makes a simple mistake? If so, this is an early sign that they won’t treat you in a romantic setting right. That they are aggressive and like to take it out on others.
I hope these six simple signs help you spot any problems with a future partner or helps on a date night. Or it’s helped you see some problems in your current relationship. Ultimately I hope it makes you aware of what to look out for!
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