Some people have a horrible past that they don't want to talk about or look back on. Some people are lucky to have a decent history that they're happy to delve into. It can be challenging for those with a traumatic past to create healthy ways to move forward, especially when you can't get help from a therapist.
Don't get me wrong, moving on from the past can be difficult no matter what. But it's worse when it's hardly traumatic and bad.
I'm delving into the healthy ways you can heal from the past, whether it's traumatic or full of grief or a tolerable one.
Understand you may not get an apology
When someone in our past hurts us, we want an apology. We want some form of acknowledgement that we've been hurt. Whether it's happened in the past or the present, we want this even more for past stuff.
Why?
Because we feel like an apology will enable us to decide between forgiving and forgetting. We feel like an apology will allow us to move on.
However, life is never as lovely as that. And sometimes, the people who hurt won't provide the apology we want or need.
And so we have to note and accept that we won't be able to move on in the way we want. Nor get the option of forgiving and forgetting as we wish to.
Allow yourself to feel negative emotions.
When you focus on the past, usually, it's with anger, grief and sadness. Don't get me wrong; sometimes, there is happiness. But for most, it's the negative emotions we focus on more or associate with our past.
When we encounter these emotions, we typically try to shut them down or ignore them and push them down.
However, letting yourself go through those emotions and work through them is more beneficial than closing yourself off from them. Pushing them down bottles them up and makes them stronger.
Whereas if you open up about it, it becomes much easier to control and understand why those emotions are there! And enable you to move forward from those feelings.
Let yourself talk about the past.
When something terrible in our past happens, sometimes we want to open up but refuse to talk about it.
We worry people won't want to hear it, that we are taking away from someone else by talking about it.
However, if you want to heal and grow from your past, you can talk about it and open up.
Talking about it with a friend or therapist can help you get different opinions. Or provide you with the support you need.
Practise self-care and mindfulness
Sometimes it's good to look back at the past when healing from it. But sometimes, when recovering from it, we can become too caught up in those feelings, and we become trapped with it.
We need to keep up with the present to keep up with life. To do that, practise stuff like mindfulness and self-care. It will keep you aware of the present and where your emotions and focus should be most of the time.
Personal growth is good.
It's good to look to the future when trying to let go of the past. Try to figure out where you want to be in five years. Do you want to progress your career? Want to start your own business? Or do you want to spend more time with family?
Ultimately, to get some space away from your past, start looking to the future and doing whatever will make you happy and grow as a person.
It will give you enough distance not to look at it so horribly. Plus, you'll have enough change to see where you've improved and grown. And then not feel so bad about whatever happened before then.
Where are you emotionally when you think about the past?
When you get stuck in an emotional cycle regarding the past, the best thing to do is to note what emotions you have and how they get stronger. Also, note down what thoughts lead to those emotions.
Once you've noted it down, work out ways to turn it into something more positive. So you can change out of the negative emotional cycle and get so upset over it that you're no longer present.
Letting go of the past in a healthy way can be difficult. But I hope this advice helps you get started!
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